Bob
While biographical information on Bob has been classified by the government, sources reveal he probably is related to someone in a high level of leadership. While none of this can be verified or corroborated, Bob’s cruel demeanor and insistence on causing mayhem wherever he goes, does support what some are calling the “Texas Theory.” According to a stolen psychology textbook, Bob’s issues probably stem from being dropped repeatedly on the head as a child, followed by formative years as an altar boy, and culminating in two or more hazing incidents involving football players and or frat boys, duct tape, and petroleum jelly.